Understanding Abuse

Abuse is not always obvious — especially when you are living inside it.

Many women do not recognise abuse straight away.

Not because they are unaware or naive, but because abuse often builds slowly. It can be subtle at first, confusing, and deeply intertwined with love, hope, fear, and survival.

You may find yourself constantly questioning:

• “Is this really abuse?”

• “Am I overreacting?”

• “Maybe it’s just me…”

If you’ve been feeling this way, you are not alone.

Abuse is not only physical

Domestic violence is not only physical. It can look like fear, isolation, intimidation, control, financial dependence, emotional manipulation, gas lighting, threats, constant criticism, sexual pressure, punishment, monitoring, or feeling like you have to keep the peace just to stay safe.

But on top of all of this, there is often a heavy layer of confusion that makes everything even harder to understand. It is not clear. It is not obvious. You are not standing outside the situation, calmly ticking boxes and recognising it for what it is. You are inside it — and inside it, everything can feel blurred.

That confusion can become so overwhelming that you begin to question your own thoughts, your own reality, and your own worth. You can become pulled into their version of truth — the belief that you are the problem, that you are too sensitive, too difficult, too much, or not enough. It is deeply disorienting and incredibly destabilising.

Many women stay because they are trauma-bonded, financially trapped, trying to protect their children, hoping things will change, or because leaving does not feel possible yet. But also because they are navigating this constant fog of confusion that makes it incredibly difficult to see what is really happening.

That does not make you weak. It means you have been surviving something complex.

Types of Abuse

Abuse can take many forms, and often more than one is happening at the same time.

Emotional and psychological abuse

• Being constantly criticised, blamed, or put down

• Being made to feel like you are the problem

• Walking on eggshells to avoid conflict

• Being ignored, dismissed, or punished with silence

• Having your feelings invalidated

Coercive control

• Being monitored, questioned, or controlled

• Having to ask permission for things

• Being isolated from friends or family

• Feeling like your independence is being taken away

• Living under constant pressure or fear of consequences

Financial abuse

• Not having access to money

• Being controlled financially

• Being prevented from working or becoming independent

• Having to justify every expense

Physical abuse

• Being pushed, hit, grabbed, or physically harmed

• Threats of physical violence

• Feeling physically unsafe

Sexual abuse

• Being pressured, coerced, or forced into sexual activity

• Feeling like you cannot say no

• Sexual behaviour used as control or punishment